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How to overcome self sabotage

How to overcome self sabotage 

“I can’t do it”

^^^ my 4 year old daughter said, whilst on the high ropes

And something I’m trying to teach her is to just ask for help

Rather than go into the ‘I can’t do it’ mode..

As it often results in frustration…

Just saying those words to yourself 

Literally puts you down…

Try it..

And often stops you even being able to make a rational decision. 

And it reminded me of when I was at Tae Kwon Doe..

I did pretty well in the end. even being asked to teach. 

Although I rarely did any teaching as I couldn’t get my words out. I was too nervous. 

Worried about what others were thinking. Didn’t like other looking at / or judging me. 

Would go bright red in the face…

Probably because I told myself 

‘I can’t do it’

When actually what I should have said was that

‘I can’t do it, yet”..

Anyway, we used to have this mantra:

“DREAM IT. BELIEVE IT. ACHIEVE IT…”

And – of course – being only 12 at the time, I had no clue what this meant anyway. 

But what I’ve found to be true NOW after coaching hundreds of ladies

is that there’s a BIG step between ‘believe’ and ‘achieve’…

That step being…

 Doing!

Because here’s the thing:

Everyone has self-belief. 

Everyone has confidence. 

Whether they exercise every day, once a week or haven’t exercised in years. 

Whether they define themselves as  too old or too unfit… 

Everyone has confidence. 

The difference?

The THOUGHTS in your head you CHOOSE to believe at that moment in time..

Which will – eventually – determine what you do

And how you feel.

^^ just last week I felt rubbish and was putting myself down…the reality was that I was just a bit under the weather and tired…

You see…

I hear things like:

 ‘I have no willpower’. “I have no motivation’…

but what if I told you that it’s not a lack of willpower? 

But actually the thoughts you CHOOSE to believe?

Can I challenge you just for today to slow down and challenge your thoughts? Notice what you are CHOOSING to believe? 

Rather than fighting the fact you might be a bit tired…

Feel your feelings..

If you are tired?

What would your best self do to get more energy?

And – if you’re really ready for a challenge – I challenge you to take action WITHOUT having self-belief that you can do it?

Matt

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Need to get better at planning…

Need to get better at planning…

So I had a ‘kind of’ question the other day in one of our kickstart sessions 

Where we go over your current situation, obstacles, and goals

And use this to put together your step by step, day by day plan…

Which was:

‘I just need to get better at planning’

Cool part?

She already knew what to do..

Hard part?

Where to start…

You see, I get that planning your meals seems like a big upfront load of time and energy…

But here’s the thing

You are going to have to make a decision about what you eat at some point

So why not do it when you are in a position of more energy and rational thinking

RATHER THAN…

Waiting until you are hungry, stressed and tired (lacking a load of willpower)

And expect yourself to make a good decision…

It is no wonder we end up chasing our tails and beating ourselves up..

Blaming willpower..

But as with everything I talk about…

I am going to simplify this seemingly overwhelming task right down to ONE THING…

And that is to ask these questions (and I will run you through the conversation I had with one of the ladies inside our Kickstart Programme):

1-A word that would describe the feeling you want to create today?

Control.  

Control over my food, especially at 4-5pm as I am hungry and often ruin my dinner by snacking

2-Why that feeling?

I feel so annoyed with myself when I don’t have control. I beat myself up. It ruins my week. 

3- One thing I am willing to do to create that feeling today is…

I will choose a meal / snack and plan it in for that time rather than saying to myself:

‘don’t eat, don’t eat, don’t eat’ and then beating myself up for eating and then thinking F it,

Then I ruin my dinner as I am not hungry, but still force it in…

^^^ Can you see how simple those questions make this?

And you might say:

“I cannot have a meal at that time”

But when you consider that most things you ‘snack’ on at that time

Are easy to overeat and calorific…

You could easily eat 500 odd calories 

When you could have had:

 A stir fry

 Yoghurt and berries

 Smoothie

 Peanut butter on rice cakes/ crackers

 Houmous and carrot sticks

 Grenade bar

 omelette 

A wrap 

I could go on..

My point is that just by having a plan

This gives you PERMISSION to eat…

Which MAY change your mindset and relationship with food from:

‘don’t eat, be good’

To

‘I am choosing to have this at this time. I have planned for it’

Because there I a difference between saying

‘I can’t eat’

Vs

‘I am choosing not to have that’

And having a plan allows you to have the option to CHOOSE..

And when you choose / make the decision you want?

You are in control..

Just like Sue said 

Matt ‘control’ Fruci

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This takes 2 seconds…

This takes 2 seconds…

So I went down a few slides with the kids at the weekend

And I remember being a taught the little trick

To go a bit faster..

By leaning back and lifting your feet up..

Small change, 

But what a difference.

It makes slides built for 8 year olds +

Fun for me haha

And my 4 year old..

Who was a bit shocked when she flew off the end of the slide..

Anyhoo..

It is often the small changes that have such a big impact.

So I wanted to share one with you today.

Now, of course, what I am about to say works a lot better

With accountability.

Someone checking you have actually done it.

After all

Most of us know what to do already..

We just don’t do it..

So, I share this quite often with people

Who are quite busy

Know what to do

But struggle with comfort eating and their habits..

You know, all the good intentions

But walk in the kitchen and then ‘boom, just eaten for the sake of it”

Sound familiar? 

OK…

Here’s what I want you to do:

Every time you walk under a doorframe

Take one deep breath in and out

That’s it.

Notice how you feel?

How present you become?

Your posture?

How tall you feel?

Want to take this one step further?

Clap 4 times..

Try it..

I can’t say it will definitely work

But it 100% won’t work

If you don’t do it..

Matt

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Struggle with willpower? Try this

As we are now back open

It is really fascinating to look back

And compare ‘then’ to ‘now’..

And how ‘now’ feels so ‘normal’ now..

I remember pre covid

when we had our Kickstart session

where we would put together your starting plan​​​​ with your 3 habits in Food, Fitness and Focus..

To get clear on:

Fitness → When, where and how you will exercise (so there is no decisions you need to make…)

Food → one thing you can change / add in today to create more energy

Focus → One thing you can DO today to create more energy 

Now..

Pre covid..

I occasionally had to bring the kids with me…

And for the most part, 

They were great and just played around in the back..

They would play with the toys, draw on a whiteboard, watch some Peppa Pig..

But even though they’re all good..

It still ‘feels’ a lot more exhausting…

Just the fact they are there. 

And when I think about it?

It all makes sense…

You see, when I used to take the kids I had to:

-Pack their bags

-Leave earlier

-remember nappies, potty and some snacks

-remember to bring enough toys

I could go on..

​​

And although really small

These decisions ADD UP…

A bit like your life…

A friend rings..

A family member wants something..

You feel you need to be there for [insert event here]

House admin

Work

I could go on..

You end up feeling like you’re just surviving…

It’s exhausting…

And what’s worse?

Because you’re not ‘perfect’

It can be easy to beat ourselves up…

Which means we often end up doing nothing…

Or

Just hope that despite feeling so tired and stressed

That we will make good decisions..

^^ a recipe for disaster by the way…

So remember this:

You can’t do everything but you can ALWAYS do ONE thing..

^^^ Read that again…

Pick one thing and track it.

Examples:

I will eat 3 portions of protein today.

Or

I will drink 4 glasses of water today

Or

I will have a snack at 2pm and it will be [insert here]

Relying on your willpower to make great choices when you’re tired, hungry and stressed is a sure fire way to fail.

The more choices you have to make?

The more willpower it’ll drain..

So, start with one thing you can do today?

Today, my #1 self care priority is to have a nap this afternoon…

Why?

Because my energy goes up

My optimism goes up

I am a better dad, husband, and coach

I am able to make better-informed decisions about my food and exercise choices…

I could go on…

And you could say…

That me having a short nap (even 5 minutes, sometimes I don’t even sleep, I just deep breathe)

Is actually selfless?

So..

What is your one thing you are committing to today?

Matt ‘one thing’ Fruci

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Shakes for weight loss?

Shakes for weight loss?

“Matt, what do you think of using shakes to help me lose weight?”

Do you want my honest answer? 

Of course, you do…​​

Well, like most things in nutrition, fitness and weight loss…it really depends.

I can’t really say it’s wrong or right for you without knowing your situation.

To add some context to the question above..

The lady who asked this question had done Slimming World before 

Has some good weeks and some bad weeks

But loses motivation quickly.

So, I’m going to summarise by considering these 3 things below so you can make a decision:

1) Convenience: 

Starting a weight loss plan can be difficult, especially when you have to change loads at once. If you’re the type of person who:

– hates preparing and weighing foods

– Will go into the F it mindset if it’s not perfect

Then using a shake or two MAY be better for you. 

HOWEVER…

I’m obviously an advocate of WHOLEFOODS. 

But I get that meal planning can seem quite time consuming. 

This is why we help you do this… 

2) Quality of nutrition. What about deficiencies?

So, one of the concerns is that by having a shake, you may not get the nutrients you need.

Now, this might be true if you go for one of those sugary meal replacement shakes…(although many do have vitamin supplements thrown in)

But the way I advise this would be to make it yourself.

For example: 

1 handful of berries

1 handful of frozen spinach

1 scoop of chocolate or vanilla  protein powder 

250 ml unsweetened almond milk 

Blend and you’re good to go!

So, as you can see, this is pretty nutritious, right? 

In fact, you can add as many veggies as you like..It may even end up being more nutritious as you can hide them in and get the nutrition in even when you’re busy.

For example, on days when I’m super busy with our sessions and one to ones

 I’ll sometimes make a shake to have mid morning, which surprisingly keeps you pretty full up. 

^^^ More on why another day…

3) Are shakes ‘natural’?

This is another question I get, especially with regards to whey protein or vegan protein powders like hemp, pea or soya. 

Now, whey is naturally found in ‘natural’ yoghurt, milk, breast milk, cows milk, formula milk…I could go on.

As for vegan protein powders?

Again, it’s created simply by a process that isolates the protein from peas or soya beans, for example. 

It’s no more ‘unnatural’ than eating things like peanut butter (which is blended and crushed), tomato puree, olive oil (processed food, right?).

In summary…

Its just a tool in the toolbox. That you can you use if you want. Sometimes. Every day. Once a week? Once a month? When you need a kickstart?

Either way?

It’s about personalising this stuff for you. 

So you can avoid any nutrient deficiencies and make this weight loss and fitness stuff convenient for you, your lifestyle, and your family ( as whether you accept it or not, they’re strapped to this health and fitness rollercoaster with you…) so you actually do it, get fit 

And have fun doing it…(dare I say it)

Just like we do in our brand new 8 Week Kickstart Programme 

Specifically for ladies 40+…

For more info,

Just send over a message 

And I’ll get you the details. 

​Matt “shake?” Fruci

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Comfort eater? Try this..

So I was chatting one of the ladies on our Kickstart Programme 

And she mentioned that comfort / boredom eating in the evening is her biggest obstacle right now. 

I get that.

It comes up A LOT..

People know what to do but feel a bit out of control.

And you see so many things out there that ‘might’ help…

From eating more protein

Chucking the ‘comfort’ food out

Having a bath

Reading 

Doing something fun instead

Meditating

But – ultimately – sometimes it seems NOTHING can work..

It’s frustrating. 

You might feel like a lost cause .

So instead I thought I’d share something with you that might just put you back in control..

Which is that RESEARCH SHOWS that when you are tired / have lacked some sleep

(let’s face it, we all have a few nights a week we don’t sleep well)

Or are a bit stressed 

(who isn’t?)

YOUR BRAIN WILL PERCEIVE FOOD (particularly foods high in sugar and fat like biscuit and cake)

As MORE rewarding than they actually are.

^^^ read that again

Because just knowing this…

AKA

That your brain may think you want these foods when you are tired/ stressed

Can make you EXPECT it …

Just a thought…

But anyway, the lady I was speaking to then went on to say 

How amazing she feels when she just lets the urge to comfort eat pass.

She isn’t full and bloated

She isn’t feeling sick

Beating herself up 

Or thinking F it I might as well just eat more…

INSTEAD…

She is happy

Proud

Feels more confident she can do this

Sleeps better..

I could go on..

So we came to this conclusion:

Every evening, she is going to WRITE down

(using a pen and paper…remember them?)

How she feels when she CHOOSES to comfort eat

Vs

How she feels when she chooses to do something else comforting…

Because then it becomes a clear choice 

To what she is saying ‘YES’ to when she comfort eats…

A bad night’s sleep?

Feeling out of breath going uphills…

Whatever is important to you…

Attach this to something you value..

And on comfort eating…

Is comfort eating actually DISCOMFORT eating?  After all, how do you feel AFTER ‘comfort eating’?

Does it take you closer to where you want to be, both mentally and with how you look and feel?

My advice to you today?

If you’re having a war in your head about ‘comfort eating’ / cravings etc.

Just start calling this so-called ‘comfort eating’… DIScomfort eating. 

And I know what you’re thinking:

‘That won’t work for me’

But, all I know is that is 100% true if you don’t try it 🙂

And I’m not saying it will work. Everyone is different. I have NO idea what your personal challenges are.

But what I can say is that doing nothing and expecting things to change is insanity…

Matt ‘Discomfort eating’ Fruci

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one day away?

one day away?

Quick one today..

I got this message this week (see pic)

now Paula has lost 3 stone..

But I’m sharing this because 

The problem with “results”

^^ yes there is a problem 

Is that the “present” becomes “normal”

And normal is just normal…

We don’t get excited about normal 

And the problem is we can forget how well we have done 

Which might just mean we stop…

Or just think “is it worth it?”

“I want faster results”

But my question to you is

“Compared to what?”

Because if you’ve not achieved results beyond this before…

Why not just keep going today?

Because what if 

You were just one day away

From getting the results you want.

But you gave up?

Don’t forget…

No matter how small

Progress is progress

And it’s the direction that counts 

Not the speed 🔥

Matt “one day” Fruci

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“I’m nervous about my first session”

“I’m nervous about my first session”

I get this a lot.

I mean, most of the ladies have experiences of gyms 

That they would rather forget.

Bored

Thinking everyone is looking at them

20 year olds lifting weights 

Feeling intimidated. 

I get it …

But we do things a lot differently to a commercial gym.

We are able to personalise everything for you

Whether you have a aches, pains, or join issues

Or 

If you haven’t exercised for a while

And not sure where to start / don’t have the motivation to do the things you know you need to do .

Don’t take my word for it though

 it was a few of the ladies first workout with us yesterday

So check out the images to see what they said…

I’ve had a few questions about where we are

And what the studio looks like.

So we are based in Marlborough and Devizes at our ladies only personal training studios. 

We also do outside as well.

A lot of people have asked where we are in Devizes,

Here is a little video showing you where:

Matt

PS. Whenever you’re ready, here are 4 ways we can help you:

1- I’ve put together over 200 daily, short, impactful podcasts to inspire and motivate you on doing the things you know you need to do..

ALL for free…

>>> CLICK HERE to grab it for free (if you have an iphone)

If you have an Android, click here

2 – Join Our Signature Kickstart Programme For Wiltshire Ladies 40+ 

The Kickstart can be done from home or with us in our private ladies only studios in Marlborough and Devizes, designed for ladies 40+ that want to take back control of their eating habits, fitness and lifestyle habits.  

If you’d like more details on this? Complete this short application here

3- Join Couples Kickstart for 2 people. Specifically designed for couples or two friends who want to work together to take back control of their eating habits, fitness and lifestyle habits. 

Reply with “couples kickstart” for more info

4- Watch How Cassie From Wiltshire Went From Mobility Scooter To Running Her First 5k & Fitting Back In Her Favourite Clothes Without Long, Boring Workouts Or Giving Up Her Favourite Foods >> CLICK HERE TO WATCH

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In 5 years…

In 5 years…

So the other day 

My 2 year old wants to go on the Trike (kind of like a bike)

Then my 4 year old decides she wants to go on…

The 2 year old now only wants to stay on the Trike because the 4 year old wants to go on it…

It’s fascinating…

And it got me thinking…

How can we create this level of ‘want’ / ‘motivation’ to do something?

How can we make it so that it feels like we can’t do it anymore 

Which makes us want to do it NOW?

You know, like all of us know exercise is ‘good’ for us..

But the problem with just saying that it is ‘good’ for you

Is that your mind cannot register what you would gain from doing it

Or what you would lose from not doing it…

It almost becomes so cliche: 

“I want to lose weight”

“I want to feel fitter”

“I want to be more toned”

That we can say these things and they have no impact on how we feel or what we do..

Meaning we stay the same. 

PLUS…

We all have our injuries..

And – in particular – a lot of the ladies who start on our Kickstart Programme often have knee issues / hope issues are worried whether they can do this…

Maybe they can no longer do high impact exercise. 

More on that later in this email (I have an option for you)

But for now…here’s a question

Inspired by the Ghost of Christmas Future:

“What happens in 5 years time, if you don’t get a handle on your exercise habits?”

And the reason I ask this?

Well, we sometimes assume that putting things off means nothing will change..

But actually, if we keep doing what we are doing…and doing means nothing?

Things will actually get worse…

This is very clear..

Muscle loss

Bone

‘use it or lose it’ 

Is the motto…

And by use it or lose it?

This doesn’t just mean muscle, bone etc..

This means your independence…

Health

Quality of life…

Not to mention how much it actually COSTS…

For example

What would happen if you totalled up the amount of money it costs to eat / snack when you’re not hungry?

Anyhooo

On to anti-ageing

Which brings me on to what a recent 2020 review in the ‘Nutrients’ Journal discussed when it comes to ageing…

  1. Exercise –
  • 12 weeks of exercised reduced proinflammatory markers in the body
  • High intensity exercise showed benefits for people with rheumatoid arthiritis. 
  • In adults aged 18-61, fitness levels are associated with improvements in T cells / white blood cells which boost immune system 
  • Postmenopausal women following successful breast cancer treatment showed increase in T cells (suggests healthy immune system) after exercise programme. 

2. Tryptophan -an amino acid protein found in eggs, fish, meats and legumes. 

Linked with serotonin, cognitive function and mood. 

3. Omega 3 fats – found in oily fish / algae. Important for preserving muscle, helping joints, improving mood and has anti inflammatory properties

Interesting stuff..

And I discussed this in more details with researcher Richie Kirwin here: 

If you have Apple device, https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/interview-with-richard-kerwin/id1469685325?i=1000446883823 

If you have Android, https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/fruci-fit-rough-n-ready-880406 

So I will leave you with this:

If you don’t prioritise you …

No one else will..

Because everyone else will come to you 

To help them achieve their priorities…

They don’t mean to get in the way

It’s just everyone is doing their best, for them…

And what if …

You could actually help more people by looking after you first?

Who else would benefit if you put yourself first today?

Even for 6 minutes and tried one of these workouts:

Matt ‘value YOU’ Fruci

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Did you get your haircut?

If you’ve seen my live daily videos recently 

You’ll probably know 

That I’m in desperate need of a haircut

But reluctant to queue 😆

^^ if you see me and I still haven’t had a haircut, please come up to me and and me “why”…I need accountability 😆 

And the truth is, I keep putting it off

Because I want to have enough time to make sure that I have the full works at the Turkish barber

I feel very lucky to be a man

I get a face mask (the spa kind), a massage, hot towel over the face, eyebrows threaded (I have no idea what that does 😆), a beard trim 

Oh and my haircut too.

And it’s apprises me what a big difference getting this done has to my mood

How I feel

Which all impacts what I do

How I am around others

My patience 

And my results in all areas of my  life from my coaching to being a husband and professional Dad joke teller ..

And it’s a bit like with this health and fitness stuff..

Small things can have a big difference..

Whenever it’s showing up to a workout for the first time

As Sarah did today (see image)

Or maybe something to do with your nutrition,

Like another Sarah mentioned today (see image)

But the thing is

You might be thinking 

“I’d never do that”

I get it

I spoke about this more here

https://fb.watch/4RuPb4VkkK/

Matt

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